Kimseye söylemediğim ve kimsenin bozmasına izin vermediğim düşlerim vardı. İçinde sen olan ama senin bile bilmediğin dokunulmamış kirletilmemiş bozulmamış düşlerim vardı. Beni bu kadar mutlu eden onlardı.
Sana bakarken masallar yazardım ben seni dinlerken sana dokunurken her harfinde bir düşü saklayan masallar yazardım. Kimse bilmezdi. Sen de bilmezdin. Kirlenmesin diye söylemezdim.
Gecelerin de geçmez olur Gündüzlerin de
Sonra bitti. Ansızın bitti.
Beklemediğim bir zamandı beklemediğim bir cümleydi belki onun için bu kadar yaktı canımı.
Kimselere dokundurmadığım düşlerimin üzerine basa basa gittin. Kirlendi düşlerim.
Alışmaya çalıştım. Nefes almaya çalıştım. Yaşamaya çalıştım. Çalışmakla olmuyordu. Yaşamam için yeni düşler gerekiyordu. Sen yoktun kurduğum bütün düşler yokluğunla kirleniyordu. Nefes almakla yaşanmıyordu.
Yaşamam için seni sevmem gerekiyordu.
Sonunda bıraktım kendimi..
Rüzgara bırakırsın Bir kuru yaprak misali Nerede bulacaksın bilemezsin Sonunda kendini
Seninle sensiz nefes almayı. İçinde senin olduğun düşleri senden uzakta kurmayı. Sana bakmazken sen dinlemezken masallarıma düşler saklamayı.
Artık sadece seninle değil herkesle paylaştığım dünyada sadece seninle değil herkesle paylaştığım anlarım vardı. Sen olmayınca yaşam bir masal değildi.
Yaşamdı.
Sıradandı.
Sen Gittin Herşey Gitti Sevinçler Mutluluklar Hayaller Artık herşey sıradan Herşey basit Ben de
Seni bu kadar çok sevdiğim için kızdım kendime. Bir gün gideceğini anlamadığım için. Durmaksızın sonsuza kadar süreceğini sandığım düşler kurduğum için kızdım. Yaşadıklarımı herkesin yaşadıklarından ayrı tuttuğum için kızdım. Sen bitti dediğinde o kadar çok acı çektiğim için kızdım.
Hala bile bu kadar acı çektiğim için kızdım.
Gidiyorum dediğinde biraz daha kal demediğim için kızdım.
Bazı anlar vardır ya Ya vardır ya yoktur Göremezsin karanlıktan Çarparsın duvarlara Ama yine de yürürsün Bir sonraki adımın boşluk olsa bile Gözlerine bakmaktan Hiç korkmadım Sevgilim...
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